Thursday, September 13, 2012

Home is wherever I'm with you.

I. Am. Moving.

There is nothing that can prepare me for this transition. It's SO bittersweet for me. I feel like I have a family at Parker Real Estate and I'm going to miss all my friends. I am scared... but I am happy! I wanted Derrick to get a job at home so bad it's not even funny. Derrick is still going to try to find a job in Decatur, if he does, then I'll just follow him...but right now, this will be good for us. A time to learn about each other in a whole new way, I mean after all, when we do see each other it's like a vacation.

We're going to have to learn to fight...face to face. We can't just hang up on each other anymore. It's very seldom when we fight, but when we do it's usually because Derrick just woke up. He is a very angry grizzly bear the first 30 minutes of waking up.

I'm about to invade Derrick's space. ALL OF IT. I hate the way he leaves everything out on the bathroom counter and he hates how I put all of HIS stuff in a drawer.

I don't like to eat cereal and sandwiches every day of my life... he does (I think because he doesn't know how to make anything else).

Mom and Dad are thankfully going to watch the animals for a few weeks until Derrick and I can get accommodated.

I also have to throw myself into a new job immediately. My last day at Parker Real Estate is next Friday and I start my new job that following Monday. Ehhhhh.

Derrick gets to come home that weekend so maybe he can help me pack my clothes. I'm not taking anything else with me yet. Derrick still has a roommate. There is no sense in me bringing furniture if I don't know where to put it. I have to admit though, my bed is way more comfy than Derrick's. I want my girly room back. Derrick has ducks everywhere. Wahh.

It really hasn't hit me hard yet that I'm about to pack up and leave everything I know to start a new life... WITH my husband. I think Derrick is scared too... he just doesn't say it. I think it would be a lot easier if Derrick and I had a little more of a stronger support system. Yes, everyone wants us to live together, but Nooo, nobody wants me to move down there. What is everyone afraid of? That we won't come back? It's not making this transition any easier for us.

I know it's not the easiest solution to our logistical issue, but God has opened a door for me, and I'm not about to shut it. It's great to have a whole nice pretty fool proof plan worked out, but God likes to make his interruptions.  I can't wait to wake up every morning by his side and not worry about how much time we have left together before one of us has to leave. Being TOGETHER is all that matters, isn't that how marriage is supposed to be?

Monday, September 10, 2012

Forgive, because it feels good.

I confess I’m the type of person to sometimes hold a grudge. It’s not that I want power over people, which is often the motive for holding a grudge, it’s just that I want all-due glory for my suffering. What I mean is, if somebody is causing me some pain, I want them to know I am bearing it for them. For this reason, it’s hard for me to forgive my enemies. If people slam me on the internet, it’s hard to forgive. If people hate me for no given reason, it’s hard to forgive, too. And for so long it seemed there was nothing I could do about it. I knew I’d be better off to forgive, but how? What are the steps to controlling your uncontrollable emotions?

I don’t fully know the answer to that question. Part of the reason it’s so hard to forgive is pride. If I forgive, it feels like I’m also saying they had the right to do me wrong. That doesn’t feel right. But it’s a real feeling. And also, if I’m having to forgive somebody who really has no idea what they did that was wrong, which is even more difficult, because you are doing the hard work of forgiving them and they have no idea they wronged you, or worse, they don’t honestly care. So why forgive?

Before I say why, I should say how. Here’s how:
Go through the stages of grief. Let the offense shock you, then let it completely hurt you. Don’t avoid the pain. Sit with it and feel it no matter how unbearable it is. Please know it will end in time. It will get 2% easier every day. Just feel it like a toothache and soon enough it will transition into something bearable.

Then let the offense make you angry. Don’t lash out or you’ll be guilty yourself. Talk about it with trusted friends but confess you’re angry and your emotions aren’t under control. And don’t feel bad for being angry. The last thing you need is anger and shame. Just punch a pillow and make it through. The anger, like the pain, will lessen over time.

Then after being angry, accept what has been done. Just accept it as a fact and don’t over analyze it. It happened. This will still be shocking at first, but in time, you will accept it as a fact that you can’t change.

From there, you’re at a place to forgive. It will be hard work, but it’s worth it. Sit and pray for the person you’ve been hating. Sit and imagine them with a good life, them coming to realize that what they did was wrong, maybe not to you, but to somebody, perhaps to God. Then be willing to love them in your heart. Want the best for them. Hope for the best for them. Stop praying for God to destroy them and pray for God to bless them. Pray for God to open up their hearts so they can receive the love that will stop them from hurting others. This is the only way I know how to forgive.

Why should we forgive? Well, there are many reasons, but I’m only going to focus on a few.
• The first is because, believe it or not, forgiveness is a pleasurable experience. No kidding, it feels much better than anger or hate. God has designed forgiveness as a powerful blessing for those who have been hurt. The experience of truly forgiving somebody can make you more happy than if you’d never been hurt in the first place.

• The second reason for you to forgive is that it removes you from being entangled in the rather dark thing that hurt you in the first place. If it was a family member talking behind your back, you get to remove yourself completely from all the complications of gossip. Forgiveness sets you free from being bogged down in knee-deep mud. Forgiveness gives you a taste of what it feels like to be God, and it’s a terrific feeling. God forgave us because it gave Him pleasure to do so. He was happy to do so. Love forgives, and so does God, and so can you.

• The third reason to forgive is that you open yourself up to amazing possibilities for a happy life. When you don’t forgive, you draw the curtains in your soul and your life gets dark. When you forgive you let the light in again, and you go on about your life in peace. And don’t you want some peace? Isn’t it time for some peace?

• The greatest thing about forgiveness is it will allow you to love again. It will allow you to love and be loved. And believe me, it’s worth it. Forgiveness is tough, for sure, but love is infinitely more valuable than the pain of forgiveness costs. No matter what you have to go through to forgive, you’re getting a steal of a deal to be able to love and be loved again. Pay the price and I promise you’ll be
happy you did.