Monday, January 23, 2012
Happy Birthday to me.
I've got 25 more days until the wedding. I have 2 days until my birthday. I have worked myself in a funky mood for the past several days and I just can't seem to get out of it. I worked out religiously, attempted to eat better... and I still look the way I do. My bridal portraits were yesterday and I just didn't feel pretty... I felt pudgy. I am not happy with myself and I thought that this wedding would be the only motivation I needed to look the way I wanted too. I'm depressed, such a stupid word, but I am. I never dreamed that I would look this way on my wedding day... I wanted to be the princess bride... a skinny one. My birthday is this week and it's always a day I look forward too...but I'm not. I'm going to be alone for the first time in years. Nobody wants to be alone on their birthday, but I have worked myself in such a crappy mood, I kind of want to sit alone on my birthday.
I just want to be with Derrick on my birthday, or every day. I want to be able to get married and look forward to our future together... we won't live together. For the sake of our marriage I just can't put that financial burden of me not having a job and living with him... we might kill each other.
All details to this wedding have not been finalized and it's driving me crazy. I had a caterer, a menu, and was on my way to take to the deposit within a day or so of finalizing everything with my parents. Then, last weekend the chef called me to make sure that I had signed the contract, and I told him that I had not signed the contract and I was going come up the next day (Monday). He said he was sorry for the misunderstanding but he was calling also for another favor. He wanted to know if I could give him $60 dollars in return for an $80 dollar check for the inconvenience. He explained to me that he had just opened up a bank account here and didn't have a debit card and only had the kind of checks where you fill in your name. Like a dumb ass, I agreed. I met him at the bank and gave him $60 dollars and he reassured me that the check would clear and there was nothing for me to worry about. It cleared... for about 3 days and then was taken out of my account for a returned check, along with a dozen fees, leaving me with $-0.14 cents in my bank account. I called his cellphone about to have a major bitch fit... his mother answered his cell phone. She asked me what the phone call was regarding and of course I said a bad check he wrote me and I want my money back. She said, "Oh no, you're another one of his victims." ...VICTIMS?? WHAAAA?? She then went on to explain that he tried to kill his roommate and overdosed on Sunday night. They found him the next day in the backyard and sent him to Decatur General where they then transferred him to Birmingham. Once he was conscious, he refused treatment and they dropped him off at a Salvation Army. Nobody has heard from him, nor knows where he is. I have to find a new caterer within 25 days of my wedding. WTF. I called the police and they came to my house and I filed charges against him... needless to say, there is a warrant out for his arrest.
I'm broke. I don't have any money, and I don't know what to do this close to the wedding. Pure panic is starting to kick in.
Happy Birthday to me.