Wednesday, November 9, 2011

It gets harder every day...

Let me start out by saying I am the worst at hiding my tears.  I am literally sitting at my desk nose all red and runny and my eyes welling up.  I can hear everyone whispering to find out what is wrong with me.  The more they stand around and stare at me and ask me if everything is okay the worse it gets... go. away.  The lady in the office walked by and asked me if my nose was bothering me again because the last two weeks I was sick... I said I started sneezing again and couldn't stop. LIE.  I'm literally falling apart as I write this.  My mind has been on this wedding for months now and I have literally been so stressed out to the point where I have made myself sick...kidney stone, two week cold, migraines.....
This is not what my wedding is suppose to be about.  It's suppose to about me. and. Derrick. Not everyone's drama unfolding around us... just me and him. I can't get any input from him because he is so far away and the last thing we're worried about is this wedding when we're together. It's hard to get anything done when I need his input on things.  Just getting our rings is a big ordeal.. I haven't had my engagement ring in two weeks because it's been at the jewelers.  I don't have time to pick it up, discuss it, or make decisions.  Derrick isn't here, and it's his call. 

I'm just having a hard time without him here. We walked the dogs, fed them, gave them treats, and then made a decision of where to eat and what we were going to do.  I asked him to take the clothes out of the washer and put them in the dryer. He volunteered to help me hang and fold clothes.  Then I watched him unravel... he doesn't want to leave, he misses our routines, he misses our little animal family... he misses... me.

Our wedding is suppose to be the day where we start our lives together... keyword: together.  I daydream every day about how it will be one day... together.  I don't know if I can do this much longer... my heart breaks a little every day.

On a more positive note... Derrick got a call back for a second interview for the job in Tuscaloosa.